National Joke Day Competition - Closed

National Joke Day Competition - Closed
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Are you having a laugh?
Well, you should be. Because Friday 16 August 2019 is National Joke Day, the perfect time of year to tell your favourite joke. Post it below, and you could win one of two £50 prizes!
Even if it’s an old gag, it can still be a good one. But how old, exactly? Well, the world’s oldest recorded joke can be traced back as far as 1900BC. It was a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now Southern Iraq, and believe it or not… it was a fart joke.

Here it is, but be warned, it hasn’t aged very well:
Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.

You probably had to be there, right?

So come on, surely you can do better! Post your best joke, and we’ll give 2 lucky winners a £50 Curry’s voucher. It will be selected randomly.

Over to you. Make your joke absolutely hilarious, but keep it clean and free of anything that could cause offense. Are fart jokes allowed, we hear you say? We’re not sure. You can risk it - or blow if off and choose another subject. It’s up to you.

Competition deadline is midday on 23rd August. The winner will be announced on this page, and we’ll also send them a private message with details of how and when they’ll get their £50 Curry’s voucher. T&Cs apply, and they’re not even the slightest bit amusing.

338 replies

Userlevel 2
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Userlevel 1
What's green and isn't very heavy?

Light green.
Userlevel 2
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised :)
Userlevel 1
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for the fresh prints
Userlevel 2
What did the cheese say when it saw itself in the mirror??

Halloumi 😄😄
Userlevel 1
The Lord said to John “come fourth and you will receive eternal life”
John came fifth, and won a £5 book voucher
Userlevel 1
Why did the baker have brown hands?
Because he kneeded a poo!
Userlevel 1
I was just mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.
Userlevel 1
Are you having a laugh?
Well, you should be. Because Friday 16 August 2019 is National Joke Day, the perfect time of year to tell your favourite joke. Post it below, and you could win one of two £50 prizes!
Even if it’s an old gag, it can still be a good one. But how old, exactly? Well, the world’s oldest recorded joke can be traced back as far as 1900BC. It was a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now Southern Iraq, and believe it or not… it was a fart joke.

Here it is, but be warned, it hasn’t aged very well: Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.

You probably had to be there, right?

So come on, surely you can do better! Post your best joke, and we’ll give 2 lucky winners a £50 Curry’s voucher. It will be selected randomly.

Over to you. Make your joke absolutely hilarious, but keep it clean and free of anything that could cause offense. Are fart jokes allowed, we hear you say? We’re not sure. You can risk it - or blow if off and choose another subject. It’s up to you.

Competition deadline is midday on 23rd August. The winner will be announced on this page, and we’ll also send them a private message with details of how and when they’ll get their £50 Curry’s voucher. T&Cs apply, and they’re not even the slightest bit amusing.
Userlevel 1
I don't often tell dad jokes but when I do he laughs
Userlevel 1
Patient: Doctor, there is a strawberry growing out of my head. Doctor: Just put some cream on it!
Userlevel 1
I actually got a signal with ID mobile. Just kidding! 😂
Userlevel 1

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

Userlevel 2
Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff.... Tequila 😆
Userlevel 1
Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Obama are standing at Gods throne in heaven. God asks Hillary and Obama what they believe in. They believe in peace happiness and hard work. God asks Donald trump what he believes in.
Trump: “I believe you’re in my seat.”😂😂😂
Userlevel 1
What did the handsome male bird say to the pretty lady bird? "send me a tweet"
Userlevel 1
why would you go to the paint store, if you're on a diet?

You'll be able to get thinner there!
Userlevel 1
Are you having a laugh?
me: ive got a knock knock joke but you have to start it
person: knock knock
me: who’s there?
person: ...
Userlevel 1
What's the fastest cake? - Scone
Userlevel 1
What’s ET short for ?
He’s only got little legs !

sorry
Userlevel 1
A successful man was going home in his car when he saw 2 men along the roadside eating grass.
Astonished by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.
He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the manager said.
"But sir, I have a wife and five children with me. They are over there, under that tree".
"Bring them along," the manager replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and seven children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the manager answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as it was.
One of the poor fellows turned to the Manager and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The manager replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 meter high!"
Userlevel 1
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus!
Userlevel 1
I was stung by a wasp today.....
He charged me £50 for a jar of honey !
Userlevel 1
My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?”

We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.
Userlevel 1
Why did the Hedgehog cross the road.
To see his flatmate.

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