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Are you having a laugh?

Well, you should be. Because Friday 16 August 2019 is National Joke Day, the perfect time of year to tell your favourite joke. Post it below, and you could win one of two £50 prizes!

Even if it’s an old gag, it can still be a good one. But how old, exactly? Well, the world’s oldest recorded joke can be traced back as far as 1900BC. It was a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now Southern Iraq, and believe it or not… it was a fart joke.



Here it is, but be warned, it hasn’t aged very well:

Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.



You probably had to be there, right?



So come on, surely you can do better! Post your best joke, and we’ll give 2 lucky winners a £50 Curry’s voucher. It will be selected randomly.



Over to you. Make your joke absolutely hilarious, but keep it clean and free of anything that could cause offense. Are fart jokes allowed, we hear you say? We’re not sure. You can risk it - or blow if off and choose another subject. It’s up to you.



Competition deadline is midday on 23rd August. The winner will be announced on this page, and we’ll also send them a private message with details of how and when they’ll get their £50 Curry’s voucher. T&Cs apply, and they’re not even the slightest bit amusing.

2 monkeys were in the bath and one said “oooh ooh ooh, aahh aahh aahh”, so the other one said “ we’ll put some cold in then” !
Did you hear about the explosion in the French cheese factory? There was de Brie everywhere

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

All the kings horses and all the kings men

Had scrambled egg for breakfast.

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
What do you call somebody with a newspaper on their head?



Russell!
What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?...

-a head banger! 😂
What did Jay-Z call his future wife before they got married?



His Feyoncé 🙂
I actually got a signal with ID mobile. Just kidding! 😂

So true!! 🤣🤣
Whats is the best selling cook book in Vietnam?



100 Ways to wok your dog.
The Norwegian navy vessels all have a large bar code printed on the side of the hull, this is for when

they sail into port, so that they can Scandinavian.
What type of bees make milk? Boobies.
Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? Because he was a little shellfish.
A millennial walks into a micropub and asks the bar man for a job. The bar man says "no".
Who’s the coolest guy who works at the hospital? The ultrasound guy.

Who the coolest guy when the ultrasound guy is on holiday? The hip replacement guy

I swopped our bed the other day for a trampoline... The wife hit the roof
Two monkeys in a bath and one turns to the other and says"Ooh Ooh Aah Aah.." and the other one says "put some more cold water in then..
So I went to the doctors the other day and it was at the top of a very tall building and I said I have got a very bad sore throat and runny nose and the doctor said ‘flu’ and I said no I came up in the lift! 😂😂😂
I stayed up all last night wondering where the sun goes, then it dawned on me.
Police have raided Kermit's lily pad and found 500 indecent images of Miss Piggy.

A spokesman said it was the worst case of frogs porn he'd ever seen
I remember how embarrassed I was when I couldn’t pay my electric bill. It was the darkest day of my life
My dog only responds to commands in Spanish.



He's Espanyol.
Why were the 2 flies playing football in the saucer?



They were practising for the cup!
The fire brigade got called out to a Italian Sausage factory.

When they got there, they found it was a false salami.
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