Are you having a laugh?
Well, you should be. Because Friday 16 August 2019 is National Joke Day, the perfect time of year to tell your favourite joke. Post it below, and you could win one of two £50 prizes!
Even if it’s an old gag, it can still be a good one. But how old, exactly? Well, the world’s oldest recorded joke can be traced back as far as 1900BC. It was a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now Southern Iraq, and believe it or not… it was a fart joke.
Here it is, but be warned, it hasn’t aged very well:
Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.
You probably had to be there, right?
So come on, surely you can do better! Post your best joke, and we’ll give 2 lucky winners a £50 Curry’s voucher. It will be selected randomly.
Over to you. Make your joke absolutely hilarious, but keep it clean and free of anything that could cause offense. Are fart jokes allowed, we hear you say? We’re not sure. You can risk it - or blow if off and choose another subject. It’s up to you.
Competition deadline is midday on 23rd August. The winner will be announced on this page, and we’ll also send them a private message with details of how and when they’ll get their £50 Curry’s voucher. T&Cs apply, and they’re not even the slightest bit amusing.
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Two monkeys drawing a bath, one jumps in and says "ooh ah ah ah ah" the other says "put some cold in then!" 😁
In a supermarket and bumped in to a old friend, i said what you doing ? He said im looking for my wife . I said so am i . I said what does she look like ?
He said blond hair big boobs, big butt and long legs . He said what about yours ? I said forget her lets find yours!!!
He said blond hair big boobs, big butt and long legs . He said what about yours ? I said forget her lets find yours!!!
I once had a pet racing snail, he was a bit shy, he soon came out of his shell, but now he's a bit Sluggish!!
A lot of people assume pirates prefer to be in the navy.
But actually they prefer the arrrrrrrrmy......ba dum tish.
But actually they prefer the arrrrrrrrmy......ba dum tish.
What is the definition of an agnostic dyslexic insomniac?
Someone who lies awake all night wondering if there's a dog.......😁
Someone who lies awake all night wondering if there's a dog.......😁
Why did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the idiots house.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
The chicken
to get to the idiots house.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
The chicken
Userlevel 1
Why did the Hedgehog cross the road.
To see his flatmate.
To see his flatmate.
My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?”
We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.
We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.
Userlevel 1
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus!
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus!
Userlevel 1
A successful man was going home in his car when he saw 2 men along the roadside eating grass.
Astonished by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.
He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the manager said.
"But sir, I have a wife and five children with me. They are over there, under that tree".
"Bring them along," the manager replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and seven children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the manager answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as it was.
One of the poor fellows turned to the Manager and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The manager replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 meter high!"
Astonished by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.
He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the manager said.
"But sir, I have a wife and five children with me. They are over there, under that tree".
"Bring them along," the manager replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and seven children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the manager answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as it was.
One of the poor fellows turned to the Manager and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The manager replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 meter high!"
Userlevel 1
me: ive got a knock knock joke but you have to start it
person: knock knock
me: who’s there?
person: ...
why would you go to the paint store, if you're on a diet?
You'll be able to get thinner there!
You'll be able to get thinner there!
Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Obama are standing at Gods throne in heaven. God asks Hillary and Obama what they believe in. They believe in peace happiness and hard work. God asks Donald trump what he believes in.
Trump: “I believe you’re in my seat.”😂😂😂
Trump: “I believe you’re in my seat.”😂😂😂
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