National Joke Day Competition - Closed

National Joke Day Competition - Closed

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Userlevel 2
Why do bananas need sunscreen?
Because they peel
Userlevel 1
what did the snowman say to the other snowman? can you smell carrots !!!
Userlevel 2
What did the ocean say to the shore?
nothing it just waved
Userlevel 1
Got in to my classic car and reversed it out of the drive. It really tock me back
Userlevel 1
Two monkeys drawing a bath, one jumps in and says "ooh ah ah ah ah" the other says "put some cold in then!" 😁
Userlevel 2
Why did the picture go to jail?
.....because it was framed
Userlevel 1
What do fish like to play when they get bored ?
'Salom sez '
Userlevel 1
What do you call a three legged donkey?

Wonkey!
Userlevel 1
In a supermarket and bumped in to a old friend, i said what you doing ? He said im looking for my wife . I said so am i . I said what does she look like ?
He said blond hair big boobs, big butt and long legs . He said what about yours ? I said forget her lets find yours!!!
Userlevel 1
I once had a pet racing snail, he was a bit shy, he soon came out of his shell, but now he's a bit Sluggish!!
Userlevel 1
How do you cook black and white animals? In a ‘pan duh!’
Userlevel 1
A lot of people assume pirates prefer to be in the navy.

But actually they prefer the arrrrrrrrmy......ba dum tish.
Userlevel 1
What is the definition of an agnostic dyslexic insomniac?
Someone who lies awake all night wondering if there's a dog.......😁
Userlevel 1
Why did the chicken cross the road?

to get to the idiots house.

Knock Knock

Who's there?

The chicken
Userlevel 1
Why did the Hedgehog cross the road.
To see his flatmate.
Userlevel 1
My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?”

We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.
Userlevel 1
I was stung by a wasp today.....
He charged me £50 for a jar of honey !
Userlevel 1
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus!
Userlevel 1
A successful man was going home in his car when he saw 2 men along the roadside eating grass.
Astonished by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.
He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the manager said.
"But sir, I have a wife and five children with me. They are over there, under that tree".
"Bring them along," the manager replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and seven children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the manager answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as it was.
One of the poor fellows turned to the Manager and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The manager replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 meter high!"
Userlevel 1
What’s ET short for ?
He’s only got little legs !

sorry
Userlevel 1
What's the fastest cake? - Scone
Userlevel 1
Are you having a laugh?
me: ive got a knock knock joke but you have to start it
person: knock knock
me: who’s there?
person: ...
Userlevel 1
why would you go to the paint store, if you're on a diet?

You'll be able to get thinner there!
Userlevel 1
What did the handsome male bird say to the pretty lady bird? "send me a tweet"
Userlevel 1
Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Obama are standing at Gods throne in heaven. God asks Hillary and Obama what they believe in. They believe in peace happiness and hard work. God asks Donald trump what he believes in.
Trump: “I believe you’re in my seat.”😂😂😂

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