Are you having a laugh?
Well, you should be. Because Friday 16 August 2019 is National Joke Day, the perfect time of year to tell your favourite joke. Post it below, and you could win one of two £50 prizes!
Even if it’s an old gag, it can still be a good one. But how old, exactly? Well, the world’s oldest recorded joke can be traced back as far as 1900BC. It was a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now Southern Iraq, and believe it or not… it was a fart joke.
Here it is, but be warned, it hasn’t aged very well:
Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.
You probably had to be there, right?
So come on, surely you can do better! Post your best joke, and we’ll give 2 lucky winners a £50 Curry’s voucher. It will be selected randomly.
Over to you. Make your joke absolutely hilarious, but keep it clean and free of anything that could cause offense. Are fart jokes allowed, we hear you say? We’re not sure. You can risk it - or blow if off and choose another subject. It’s up to you.
Competition deadline is midday on 23rd August. The winner will be announced on this page, and we’ll also send them a private message with details of how and when they’ll get their £50 Curry’s voucher. T&Cs apply, and they’re not even the slightest bit amusing.
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Userlevel 1
Two dinosaurs hiding from Tyrannosaurus Rex. First one says to second Doyouthinkhesaurus?
Userlevel 4
My favourite teacher at school was Mrs Turtle. Strange surname, but she tortoise well.
Userlevel 1
My dog's got no dictionary.
How does he spell awful?
How does he spell awful?
Userlevel 1
A donkey and a zebra had a sprinting race. The zebra won. The donkey said: "It's not fair! My opponant had fancy workout clothes!"
Userlevel 1
Why was the mobile phone looking so relaxed?
It had just received a text massage!
It had just received a text massage!
Userlevel 1
Everyone laughed when I said I was going to be a stand-up comedian... they're not laughing now!
Userlevel 2
Whats brown and steams out of cowes
IoW ferry!
IoW ferry!
Userlevel 2
Whats pink and hard in the morning?
The FT Crossword!
The FT Crossword!
Userlevel 4
Wife: "I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it!"
Husband: [peeing on jellyfish] "This is for stinging my wife."
Husband: [peeing on jellyfish] "This is for stinging my wife."
Userlevel 2
Whats pink and hairy and sticks out of your pajamas?
Your head!
Your head!
Userlevel 4
A policeman stops a car...
Policeman: Whose car is this, where are you taking it and what do you do for a living?
Miner: Mine
Policeman: Whose car is this, where are you taking it and what do you do for a living?
Miner: Mine
Userlevel 2
Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?
A corrot!
A corrot!
Userlevel 4
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?
You use spring water.
You use spring water.
The ice cream man was found dead inside his van. Covered in Hundreds & Thousands, Sprinkles, Chocolate drops and a Flake.
Police believe he may of topped himself.Userlevel 4
My wife hates it when our next door neighbour sunbathes topless in her garden. Personally I’m on the fence.
Userlevel 2
Two parrots standing on a perch and one says "Can you smell fish?"
Userlevel 4
Dad: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!
Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking sons disease I have ever seen.
Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking sons disease I have ever seen.
Userlevel 1
What do you call a mushroom comedian?
Fun - Guy
Fun - Guy
Userlevel 2
Two goldfish in a tank and one says "You go up top and I'll steer"
What's brown and very sticky....?...... A stick!
Here have a Fanta.... Coz that joke was Fanta-stick!
Here have a Fanta.... Coz that joke was Fanta-stick!
Userlevel 4
Two cannibals eating a clown - one says "hey, does this taste funny to you?"
Userlevel 3
What was John's son's name? Johnson!!!
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