Are you having a laugh?
Well, you should be. Because Friday 16 August 2019 is National Joke Day, the perfect time of year to tell your favourite joke. Post it below, and you could win one of two £50 prizes!
Even if it’s an old gag, it can still be a good one. But how old, exactly? Well, the world’s oldest recorded joke can be traced back as far as 1900BC. It was a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now Southern Iraq, and believe it or not… it was a fart joke.
Here it is, but be warned, it hasn’t aged very well:
Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.
You probably had to be there, right?
So come on, surely you can do better! Post your best joke, and we’ll give 2 lucky winners a £50 Curry’s voucher. It will be selected randomly.
Over to you. Make your joke absolutely hilarious, but keep it clean and free of anything that could cause offense. Are fart jokes allowed, we hear you say? We’re not sure. You can risk it - or blow if off and choose another subject. It’s up to you.
Competition deadline is midday on 23rd August. The winner will be announced on this page, and we’ll also send them a private message with details of how and when they’ll get their £50 Curry’s voucher. T&Cs apply, and they’re not even the slightest bit amusing.
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Userlevel 1
Why can't dinosaurs clap
Because they are dead
Because they are dead
Why don't Mexicans like instructions??
They only have manuels!!
They only have manuels!!
What do you call a cow who has just given birth? De-calf-inated
According to a recent study, 9 out of 10 people who are afraid of hurdles... never get over it 😂
Userlevel 3
What was Harry's son name? Harrison!!!
Userlevel 1
My Dad has recently started going bald. I told him to draw a rabbit on his head, from a distance it would look like a hare!
Why did the peanut get arrested?
because they got a-salted
because they got a-salted
Userlevel 1
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
When we board a plane, we probably are at least a little bit nervous. Even if we fly often and we know all of the stats on how safe it is to fly, we can’t help but be a little jittery. Every once in a while, however, something happens that makes us stand up and take notice of the situation we are in. That is what happened on this flight and the entire plane was afraid of what was coming next. Then a lone man spoke up from the rear and said the perfect thing to break the tension.
Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: “Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York.
The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and… OH… MY GOD!”
Silence followed… complete silence!
Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my trousers!”
From the back of the plane, an Irish passenger yelled…
“For the luvva Jaysus… you should see the back of mine!”
Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: “Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York.
The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and… OH… MY GOD!”
Silence followed… complete silence!
Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my trousers!”
From the back of the plane, an Irish passenger yelled…
“For the luvva Jaysus… you should see the back of mine!”
..and the Lord said unto John "Come forth and receive eternal life"
But he came fifth and won a toaster.
But he came fifth and won a toaster.
I went to the shops yesterday to buy a camouflage jacket but I couldn't see one
Userlevel 4
+10
How does Mario like his Pizza base?
With Nintendough.
With Nintendough.
Userlevel 1
Someone stole my anti-depressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy
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