Are you having a laugh?
Well, you should be. Because Friday 16 August 2019 is National Joke Day, the perfect time of year to tell your favourite joke. Post it below, and you could win one of two £50 prizes!
Even if it’s an old gag, it can still be a good one. But how old, exactly? Well, the world’s oldest recorded joke can be traced back as far as 1900BC. It was a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now Southern Iraq, and believe it or not… it was a fart joke.
Here it is, but be warned, it hasn’t aged very well:
Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.
You probably had to be there, right?
So come on, surely you can do better! Post your best joke, and we’ll give 2 lucky winners a £50 Curry’s voucher. It will be selected randomly.
Over to you. Make your joke absolutely hilarious, but keep it clean and free of anything that could cause offense. Are fart jokes allowed, we hear you say? We’re not sure. You can risk it - or blow if off and choose another subject. It’s up to you.
Competition deadline is midday on 23rd August. The winner will be announced on this page, and we’ll also send them a private message with details of how and when they’ll get their £50 Curry’s voucher. T&Cs apply, and they’re not even the slightest bit amusing.
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Userlevel 3
Userlevel 1
My mum told me follow your dreams,
So i went back to bed.
So i went back to bed.
Userlevel 3
What network is Luke Skywalker on? Yodafone.
A
Propaganda - When a cockney takes a really good look at something.
Brexit - What happens when an obese northerner sits on a plastic garden chair.
Brexit - What happens when an obese northerner sits on a plastic garden chair.
Userlevel 1
What do you call pig that does karate?
Pork chop
Pork chop
Userlevel 1
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later." The nun agreed... A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?" The nun replied, "He went that way."
After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria." The nun said, "I understand completely." The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don't want to go to Syria either."
After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria." The nun said, "I understand completely." The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don't want to go to Syria either."
Userlevel 1
What is an ig?
An igloo without a loo.
An igloo without a loo.
Userlevel 2
Heard about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He lay awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.
Userlevel 1
How do you think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg!
With an itheberg!
Userlevel 1
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put him into the microwave until his Bill Withers!
Put him into the microwave until his Bill Withers!
Userlevel 2
Whenever I compete on a horse, I have a terrible fear of falling off as I jump the fences. I have other fears but that's my overriding concern.
Userlevel 1
Q) What time do people normally go to the dentist..?
A) About tooth hurty..🤣🤣🤣
A) About tooth hurty..🤣🤣🤣
Userlevel 2
I dreamt last night that I wrote Lord Of The Rings. I'd never have known but the wife said that I was Tolkien in my sleep.
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been
discovered in Egypt ................. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh
Roche...
After queuing up at the Tesco checkout this morning, Mr Patel said to the cashier, "Can you do this any cheaper, I'm afraid not," she replied, "If we did it for you then we'd have to do it for everybody. Mr Patel said, "Yeah, but it's got today's date on it. If nobody buys it then it's just going to get thrown away. Look sir, you're holding up the queue. Do you want the newspaper or not?!" –
Userlevel 1
Why did the Skeleton not go to the party?
Because he had nobody to go with.
Because he had nobody to go with.
"IT’S A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT’S A BOY" and with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel!!!
Userlevel 1
What do you call a deer with no eyes. No Idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs. Still no idea!!
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs. Still no idea!!
7 wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40 –
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