National Joke Day Competition - Closed

National Joke Day Competition - Closed

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Userlevel 4
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone, then it dawned on me
Userlevel 4
My auntie Marge has been ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better.
Userlevel 4
Policeman: "I'm here to tell you that your son has burned down the school"
Parents: "you mean arson?"
Policeman: "Yes, your son"
Userlevel 4
My mate told me to stop singing Oasis songs. I said may-be....
Userlevel 4
The inventor of the throat lozenge has died. There will be no coffin at his funeral.
Userlevel 4
My wife asked me if I think our kids are spoiled. I said, no, I think all kids smell like that.
Userlevel 4
My favourite teacher at school was Mrs Turtle. Strange surname, but she tortoise well.
Userlevel 1
A donkey and a zebra had a sprinting race. The zebra won. The donkey said: "It's not fair! My opponant had fancy workout clothes!"
Userlevel 1
Everyone laughed when I said I was going to be a stand-up comedian... they're not laughing now!
Userlevel 4
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s very time consuming.
Userlevel 4
I told my son to stop playing Russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids... In one ear, out the other!
Userlevel 4
Wife: "I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it!"
Husband: [peeing on jellyfish] "This is for stinging my wife."
Userlevel 4
A policeman stops a car...
Policeman: Whose car is this, where are you taking it and what do you do for a living?
Miner: Mine
Userlevel 4
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?
You use spring water.
Userlevel 4
My wife hates it when our next door neighbour sunbathes topless in her garden. Personally I’m on the fence.
Userlevel 4
Dad: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!
Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking sons disease I have ever seen.
Userlevel 4
I went to the doctors recently
He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”
I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”
He said, “No. Fatty, don’t eat anything."
Userlevel 4
If you boil a funny bone does it become a laughing stock?
Userlevel 4
Two cannibals eating a clown - one says "hey, does this taste funny to you?"
Userlevel 3
What was John's son's name? Johnson!!!
Userlevel 3
What was Williams son name? Williamson
Userlevel 3
What was Harry's son name? Harrison!!!
Userlevel 3
What was Adams son's name? Adamson!!!
Userlevel 1
I went for my first flying lesson last week, however my instructor didn't turn up so I had to wing it.
Userlevel 3
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
🤣🤣🤣

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