National Joke Day Competition - Closed

National Joke Day Competition - Closed
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Are you having a laugh?
Well, you should be. Because Friday 16 August 2019 is National Joke Day, the perfect time of year to tell your favourite joke. Post it below, and you could win one of two £50 prizes!
Even if it’s an old gag, it can still be a good one. But how old, exactly? Well, the world’s oldest recorded joke can be traced back as far as 1900BC. It was a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now Southern Iraq, and believe it or not… it was a fart joke.

Here it is, but be warned, it hasn’t aged very well:
Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.

You probably had to be there, right?

So come on, surely you can do better! Post your best joke, and we’ll give 2 lucky winners a £50 Curry’s voucher. It will be selected randomly.

Over to you. Make your joke absolutely hilarious, but keep it clean and free of anything that could cause offense. Are fart jokes allowed, we hear you say? We’re not sure. You can risk it - or blow if off and choose another subject. It’s up to you.

Competition deadline is midday on 23rd August. The winner will be announced on this page, and we’ll also send them a private message with details of how and when they’ll get their £50 Curry’s voucher. T&Cs apply, and they’re not even the slightest bit amusing.

338 replies

Userlevel 4
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone, then it dawned on me
Userlevel 4
My auntie Marge has been ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better.
Userlevel 4
Policeman: "I'm here to tell you that your son has burned down the school"
Parents: "you mean arson?"
Policeman: "Yes, your son"
Userlevel 4
My mate told me to stop singing Oasis songs. I said may-be....
Userlevel 4
The inventor of the throat lozenge has died. There will be no coffin at his funeral.
Userlevel 4
My wife asked me if I think our kids are spoiled. I said, no, I think all kids smell like that.
Userlevel 4
My favourite teacher at school was Mrs Turtle. Strange surname, but she tortoise well.
Userlevel 1
A donkey and a zebra had a sprinting race. The zebra won. The donkey said: "It's not fair! My opponant had fancy workout clothes!"
Userlevel 1
Everyone laughed when I said I was going to be a stand-up comedian... they're not laughing now!
Userlevel 4
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s very time consuming.
Userlevel 4
I told my son to stop playing Russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids... In one ear, out the other!
Userlevel 4
Wife: "I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it!"
Husband: [peeing on jellyfish] "This is for stinging my wife."
Userlevel 4
A policeman stops a car...
Policeman: Whose car is this, where are you taking it and what do you do for a living?
Miner: Mine
Userlevel 4
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?
You use spring water.
Userlevel 4
My wife hates it when our next door neighbour sunbathes topless in her garden. Personally I’m on the fence.
Userlevel 4
Dad: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!
Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking sons disease I have ever seen.
Userlevel 4
I went to the doctors recently
He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”
I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”
He said, “No. Fatty, don’t eat anything."
Userlevel 4
If you boil a funny bone does it become a laughing stock?
Userlevel 4
Two cannibals eating a clown - one says "hey, does this taste funny to you?"
Userlevel 3
What was John's son's name? Johnson!!!
Userlevel 3
What was Williams son name? Williamson
Userlevel 3
What was Harry's son name? Harrison!!!
Userlevel 3
What was Adams son's name? Adamson!!!
Userlevel 1
I went for my first flying lesson last week, however my instructor didn't turn up so I had to wing it.
Userlevel 3
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
🤣🤣🤣

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