National Joke Day Competition - Closed

National Joke Day Competition - Closed

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Userlevel 1
What do Mexicans put under their carpets?

- Underlay, Underlay!
Userlevel 1
What do the secret service say when the president is under attack? Donald, Duck!
Userlevel 1
How do you make a sausage roll?
Give it a push.
Userlevel 1
Don't sit on that chair you might brexit
Userlevel 1
What's invisible and smells like carrots?


Bunny Farts 🐇💨🥕
Userlevel 1
Which side of a robin has more feathers?
The outside!
Userlevel 1
What did the snail say when it had a ride on the back of a tortoise?
Wheeeee!
Userlevel 1
Why didn't the cheese get sliced? Because it had grater plans!
Userlevel 1
  • (⌐■_■) We have information that someone here is possessed by an Owl
⁕ (●∀●) Who ??
  • (⌐■_■) We don't know but we . . . wait a second
Userlevel 1
Three weeks ago, I sent my hearing aids in for repair.
I've heard nothing since.
Userlevel 1
Why did the banana take the fig to the party? Because he couldn't get a date.
Userlevel 4
I used to have a fear of speed bumps, but I slowly got over it.
Userlevel 4
I went into a pet shop and asked for 12 bees. The shopkeeper counted out exactly 13 bees and gave them to me. I said "you've given me one too many". He replied "oh, that last one is a freebie".
Userlevel 4
Dad: Do you know where that potato peeling thingy is?
Son: She left you two days ago.
Userlevel 4
Have you been advised to walk 500 miles, and then to walk 500 more. If so, you could be entitled to compensation. Call the pro-claimers now on...
Userlevel 4
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation
Userlevel 4
A Mexican magician was doing a magic trick. He said Uno, Dose, and then disappeared without a trace.
Userlevel 4
What's the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy!
Userlevel 4
Why did the blind man fall into the well?
He coudn't see that well.
Userlevel 4
At first I thought it was great dating an archaeologist. Then I found out she was a gold digger and her future lies in ruins.
Userlevel 4
You know which animal kills the most people in the world?
The hepatitis bee.
Userlevel 4
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
Userlevel 4
Ribbed condoms are a rip off - they don't even taste of ribs.
Userlevel 4
My least favourite colour is purple. I hate it more than blue and red combined.
Userlevel 4
"Do you know how much it is to rent a church singing group?"
"Do you mean a choir?"
"OK, do you know how much it is to acquire a church singing group?"

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