National Joke Day Competition - Closed

National Joke Day Competition - Closed
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Are you having a laugh?
Well, you should be. Because Friday 16 August 2019 is National Joke Day, the perfect time of year to tell your favourite joke. Post it below, and you could win one of two £50 prizes!
Even if it’s an old gag, it can still be a good one. But how old, exactly? Well, the world’s oldest recorded joke can be traced back as far as 1900BC. It was a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now Southern Iraq, and believe it or not… it was a fart joke.

Here it is, but be warned, it hasn’t aged very well:
Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.

You probably had to be there, right?

So come on, surely you can do better! Post your best joke, and we’ll give 2 lucky winners a £50 Curry’s voucher. It will be selected randomly.

Over to you. Make your joke absolutely hilarious, but keep it clean and free of anything that could cause offense. Are fart jokes allowed, we hear you say? We’re not sure. You can risk it - or blow if off and choose another subject. It’s up to you.

Competition deadline is midday on 23rd August. The winner will be announced on this page, and we’ll also send them a private message with details of how and when they’ll get their £50 Curry’s voucher. T&Cs apply, and they’re not even the slightest bit amusing.

338 replies

Userlevel 1
What do Mexicans put under their carpets?

- Underlay, Underlay!
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What do the secret service say when the president is under attack? Donald, Duck!
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How do you make a sausage roll?
Give it a push.
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Don't sit on that chair you might brexit
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What's invisible and smells like carrots?


Bunny Farts 🐇💨🥕
Userlevel 1
Which side of a robin has more feathers?
The outside!
Userlevel 1
What did the snail say when it had a ride on the back of a tortoise?
Wheeeee!
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Why didn't the cheese get sliced? Because it had grater plans!
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  • (⌐■_■) We have information that someone here is possessed by an Owl
⁕ (●∀●) Who ??
  • (⌐■_■) We don't know but we . . . wait a second
Userlevel 1
Three weeks ago, I sent my hearing aids in for repair.
I've heard nothing since.
Userlevel 1
Why did the banana take the fig to the party? Because he couldn't get a date.
Userlevel 4
I used to have a fear of speed bumps, but I slowly got over it.
Userlevel 4
I went into a pet shop and asked for 12 bees. The shopkeeper counted out exactly 13 bees and gave them to me. I said "you've given me one too many". He replied "oh, that last one is a freebie".
Userlevel 4
Dad: Do you know where that potato peeling thingy is?
Son: She left you two days ago.
Userlevel 4
Have you been advised to walk 500 miles, and then to walk 500 more. If so, you could be entitled to compensation. Call the pro-claimers now on...
Userlevel 4
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation
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A Mexican magician was doing a magic trick. He said Uno, Dose, and then disappeared without a trace.
Userlevel 4
What's the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy!
Userlevel 4
Why did the blind man fall into the well?
He coudn't see that well.
Userlevel 4
At first I thought it was great dating an archaeologist. Then I found out she was a gold digger and her future lies in ruins.
Userlevel 4
You know which animal kills the most people in the world?
The hepatitis bee.
Userlevel 4
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
Userlevel 4
Ribbed condoms are a rip off - they don't even taste of ribs.
Userlevel 4
My least favourite colour is purple. I hate it more than blue and red combined.
Userlevel 4
"Do you know how much it is to rent a church singing group?"
"Do you mean a choir?"
"OK, do you know how much it is to acquire a church singing group?"

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