National Joke Day Competition - Closed

National Joke Day Competition - Closed

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2 monkeys were in the bath and one said “oooh ooh ooh, aahh aahh aahh”, so the other one said “ we’ll put some cold in then” !
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Did you hear about the explosion in the French cheese factory? There was de Brie everywhere
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What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Had scrambled egg for breakfast.
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What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call somebody with a newspaper on their head?

Russell!
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What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?...
-a head banger! 😂
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What did Jay-Z call his future wife before they got married?

His Feyoncé 🙂
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I actually got a signal with ID mobile. Just kidding! 😂
So true!! 🤣🤣
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Whats is the best selling cook book in Vietnam?

100 Ways to wok your dog.
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The Norwegian navy vessels all have a large bar code printed on the side of the hull, this is for when
they sail into port, so that they can Scandinavian.
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What type of bees make milk? Boobies.
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Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? Because he was a little shellfish.
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A millennial walks into a micropub and asks the bar man for a job. The bar man says "no".
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Who’s the coolest guy who works at the hospital? The ultrasound guy.
Who the coolest guy when the ultrasound guy is on holiday? The hip replacement guy
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I swopped our bed the other day for a trampoline... The wife hit the roof
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Two monkeys in a bath and one turns to the other and says"Ooh Ooh Aah Aah.." and the other one says "put some more cold water in then..
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So I went to the doctors the other day and it was at the top of a very tall building and I said I have got a very bad sore throat and runny nose and the doctor said ‘flu’ and I said no I came up in the lift! 😂😂😂
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I stayed up all last night wondering where the sun goes, then it dawned on me.
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Police have raided Kermit's lily pad and found 500 indecent images of Miss Piggy.
A spokesman said it was the worst case of frogs porn he'd ever seen
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I remember how embarrassed I was when I couldn’t pay my electric bill. It was the darkest day of my life
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My dog only responds to commands in Spanish.

He's Espanyol.
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Why were the 2 flies playing football in the saucer?

They were practising for the cup!
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The fire brigade got called out to a Italian Sausage factory.
When they got there, they found it was a false salami.

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