National Joke Day Competition - Closed

National Joke Day Competition - Closed

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Userlevel 1
Why can't a nose be twelve inches long? ............ Because then it would be a foot.
Userlevel 1
I went to library and said to the assistant "I don't know the title, but do you have the book about how to cope if you're not well endowed".

She looked at the computer and said "I Don't Think It's In Yet" and I said "That's the one".
Userlevel 1
What did one eye say to the other eye?

...

There's something between us that smells...!
Userlevel 1
Why was the cheese lopsided?

...

Because it only had one Stilton!
Userlevel 1
Whats the difference between a duck?

one of its legs are both the same
Userlevel 1
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?... a Receding Hare-line
Userlevel 1
is this where i can enter the joke competition?--if not where? if yes how?
Userlevel 1
Are you having a laugh?
Well, you should be. Because Friday 16 August 2019 is National Joke Day, the perfect time of year to tell your favourite joke. Post it below, and you could win one of two £50 prizes!
Even if it’s an old gag, it can still be a good one. But how old, exactly? Well, the world’s oldest recorded joke can be traced back as far as 1900BC. It was a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now Southern Iraq, and believe it or not… it was a fart joke.

Here it is, but be warned, it hasn’t aged very well: Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.

You probably had to be there, right?

So come on, surely you can do better! Post your best joke, and we’ll give 2 lucky winners a £50 Curry’s voucher. It will be selected randomly.

Over to you. Make your joke absolutely hilarious, but keep it clean and free of anything that could cause offense. Are fart jokes allowed, we hear you say? We’re not sure. You can risk it - or blow if off and choose another subject. It’s up to you.

Competition deadline is midday on 23rd August. The winner will be announced on this page, and we’ll also send them a private message with details of how and when they’ll get their £50 Curry’s voucher. T&Cs apply, and they’re not even the slightest bit amusing.
Userlevel 3
Oldest Joke I know... Why did the Orange stop half way up the hill?... Because he ran out of juice!
Userlevel 1
What time did the Chinese man go to the dentist? Tooth hurty 🤣😂
Userlevel 1
“Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking batter acid. The other one was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.”

.
Userlevel 1
“ A duck walks into a pharmacy and asks for a tube of ChapStick. The cashier says “That will be €2.49.” The duck says

“Put it on my bill”.
According to a recent study, 9 out of 10 people who are afraid of hurdles... never get over it 😂
Userlevel 1
Why did the meatballs tell the
Spaghetti go to bed

it was pasta bednight
Userlevel 1
What do you call a choir boy?
Sam-sung.

What do you call a choir boy on the moon?
Sam-sung galaxy. (I asked my partner and he said Sam-sung galaxy note - I like this too 😂).

*these aren't that bad considering I made them up myself at 11pm tonight * 😐
Userlevel 1

What is a cat's favorite book?

The Great Catsby.

4. Why don't cats play poker?

Too many cheetahs.
Userlevel 1
What did the zero say to the eight?

Nice belt!

😁
What do you call a cow who has just given birth? De-calf-inated
Userlevel 1
What do you call a budgie that's been over by a Lawn Mower?


Shredded Tweet!
Why don't Mexicans like instructions??
They only have manuels!!
Userlevel 1
Skepta told me don't watch nothin'
So I went home and smashed my TV
Userlevel 1
Apparently you can't use 'Beef Stew' as a password.

It's not stroganoff!
Userlevel 1
What’s pink and fluffy?

Pink fluff

whats blue and fluffy?
...
pink fluff holding its breath!!
Userlevel 1
How do you make an apple puff?

Chase it round the garden
Userlevel 1
Two oranges rolling down the hill, one stopped why?
It ran out of juice.

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