Are you having a laugh?
Well, you should be. Because Friday 16 August 2019 is National Joke Day, the perfect time of year to tell your favourite joke. Post it below, and you could win one of two £50 prizes!
Even if it’s an old gag, it can still be a good one. But how old, exactly? Well, the world’s oldest recorded joke can be traced back as far as 1900BC. It was a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now Southern Iraq, and believe it or not… it was a fart joke.
Here it is, but be warned, it hasn’t aged very well:
Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.
You probably had to be there, right?
So come on, surely you can do better! Post your best joke, and we’ll give 2 lucky winners a £50 Curry’s voucher. It will be selected randomly.
Over to you. Make your joke absolutely hilarious, but keep it clean and free of anything that could cause offense. Are fart jokes allowed, we hear you say? We’re not sure. You can risk it - or blow if off and choose another subject. It’s up to you.
Competition deadline is midday on 23rd August. The winner will be announced on this page, and we’ll also send them a private message with details of how and when they’ll get their £50 Curry’s voucher. T&Cs apply, and they’re not even the slightest bit amusing.
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Userlevel 4
A policeman stops a car...
Policeman: Whose car is this, where are you taking it and what do you do for a living?
Miner: Mine
Policeman: Whose car is this, where are you taking it and what do you do for a living?
Miner: Mine
Userlevel 4
Wife: "I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it!"
Husband: [peeing on jellyfish] "This is for stinging my wife."
Husband: [peeing on jellyfish] "This is for stinging my wife."
Userlevel 4
I told my son to stop playing Russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids... In one ear, out the other!
Userlevel 4
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s very time consuming.
Userlevel 1
Everyone laughed when I said I was going to be a stand-up comedian... they're not laughing now!
Userlevel 1
A donkey and a zebra had a sprinting race. The zebra won. The donkey said: "It's not fair! My opponant had fancy workout clothes!"
Userlevel 4
My favourite teacher at school was Mrs Turtle. Strange surname, but she tortoise well.
Userlevel 4
My wife asked me if I think our kids are spoiled. I said, no, I think all kids smell like that.
Userlevel 4
The inventor of the throat lozenge has died. There will be no coffin at his funeral.
Userlevel 4
My mate told me to stop singing Oasis songs. I said may-be....
Userlevel 4
Policeman: "I'm here to tell you that your son has burned down the school"
Parents: "you mean arson?"
Policeman: "Yes, your son"
Parents: "you mean arson?"
Policeman: "Yes, your son"
Userlevel 4
My auntie Marge has been ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better.
Userlevel 4
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone, then it dawned on me
Userlevel 4
"Do you know how much it is to rent a church singing group?"
"Do you mean a choir?"
"OK, do you know how much it is to acquire a church singing group?"
"Do you mean a choir?"
"OK, do you know how much it is to acquire a church singing group?"
Userlevel 4
My least favourite colour is purple. I hate it more than blue and red combined.
Userlevel 4
Ribbed condoms are a rip off - they don't even taste of ribs.
Userlevel 4
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
An irrelephant.
Userlevel 4
You know which animal kills the most people in the world?
The hepatitis bee.
The hepatitis bee.
Userlevel 4
At first I thought it was great dating an archaeologist. Then I found out she was a gold digger and her future lies in ruins.
Userlevel 4
Why did the blind man fall into the well?
He coudn't see that well.
He coudn't see that well.
Userlevel 4
What's the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy!
Sneezy!
Userlevel 4
A Mexican magician was doing a magic trick. He said Uno, Dose, and then disappeared without a trace.
Userlevel 4
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation
Userlevel 4
Have you been advised to walk 500 miles, and then to walk 500 more. If so, you could be entitled to compensation. Call the pro-claimers now on...
Userlevel 4
Dad: Do you know where that potato peeling thingy is?
Son: She left you two days ago.
Son: She left you two days ago.
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