National Joke Day Competition - Closed

National Joke Day Competition - Closed

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Userlevel 4
A policeman stops a car...
Policeman: Whose car is this, where are you taking it and what do you do for a living?
Miner: Mine
Userlevel 4
Wife: "I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it!"
Husband: [peeing on jellyfish] "This is for stinging my wife."
Userlevel 4
I told my son to stop playing Russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids... In one ear, out the other!
Userlevel 4
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s very time consuming.
Userlevel 1
Everyone laughed when I said I was going to be a stand-up comedian... they're not laughing now!
Userlevel 1
A donkey and a zebra had a sprinting race. The zebra won. The donkey said: "It's not fair! My opponant had fancy workout clothes!"
Userlevel 4
My favourite teacher at school was Mrs Turtle. Strange surname, but she tortoise well.
Userlevel 4
My wife asked me if I think our kids are spoiled. I said, no, I think all kids smell like that.
Userlevel 4
The inventor of the throat lozenge has died. There will be no coffin at his funeral.
Userlevel 4
My mate told me to stop singing Oasis songs. I said may-be....
Userlevel 4
Policeman: "I'm here to tell you that your son has burned down the school"
Parents: "you mean arson?"
Policeman: "Yes, your son"
Userlevel 4
My auntie Marge has been ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better.
Userlevel 4
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone, then it dawned on me
Userlevel 4
"Do you know how much it is to rent a church singing group?"
"Do you mean a choir?"
"OK, do you know how much it is to acquire a church singing group?"
Userlevel 4
My least favourite colour is purple. I hate it more than blue and red combined.
Userlevel 4
Ribbed condoms are a rip off - they don't even taste of ribs.
Userlevel 4
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
Userlevel 4
You know which animal kills the most people in the world?
The hepatitis bee.
Userlevel 4
At first I thought it was great dating an archaeologist. Then I found out she was a gold digger and her future lies in ruins.
Userlevel 4
Why did the blind man fall into the well?
He coudn't see that well.
Userlevel 4
What's the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy!
Userlevel 4
A Mexican magician was doing a magic trick. He said Uno, Dose, and then disappeared without a trace.
Userlevel 4
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation
Userlevel 4
Have you been advised to walk 500 miles, and then to walk 500 more. If so, you could be entitled to compensation. Call the pro-claimers now on...
Userlevel 4
Dad: Do you know where that potato peeling thingy is?
Son: She left you two days ago.

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