National Joke Day Competition - Closed

National Joke Day Competition - Closed
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Are you having a laugh?
Well, you should be. Because Friday 16 August 2019 is National Joke Day, the perfect time of year to tell your favourite joke. Post it below, and you could win one of two £50 prizes!
Even if it’s an old gag, it can still be a good one. But how old, exactly? Well, the world’s oldest recorded joke can be traced back as far as 1900BC. It was a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now Southern Iraq, and believe it or not… it was a fart joke.

Here it is, but be warned, it hasn’t aged very well:
Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.

You probably had to be there, right?

So come on, surely you can do better! Post your best joke, and we’ll give 2 lucky winners a £50 Curry’s voucher. It will be selected randomly.

Over to you. Make your joke absolutely hilarious, but keep it clean and free of anything that could cause offense. Are fart jokes allowed, we hear you say? We’re not sure. You can risk it - or blow if off and choose another subject. It’s up to you.

Competition deadline is midday on 23rd August. The winner will be announced on this page, and we’ll also send them a private message with details of how and when they’ll get their £50 Curry’s voucher. T&Cs apply, and they’re not even the slightest bit amusing.

338 replies

Userlevel 1
A man walks into a bar....

...
....
...

OUCH!!!


it was a metal bar
Userlevel 1
After queuing up at the Tesco checkout this morning, Mr Patel said to the cashier, "Can you do this any cheaper, I'm afraid not," she replied, "If we did it for you then we'd have to do it for everybody. Mr Patel said, "Yeah, but it's got today's date on it. If nobody buys it then it's just going to get thrown away. Look sir, you're holding up the queue. Do you want the newspaper or not?!" –
Userlevel 1
Why did the Skeleton not go to the party?

Because he had nobody to go with.
Userlevel 1
"IT’S A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT’S A BOY" and with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel!!!
Userlevel 1
What do you call a deer with no eyes. No Idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs. Still no idea!!
Userlevel 1
7 wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40 –
Userlevel 1
What is red and invisible?

No tomatoes!
Userlevel 1
Why can't dinosaurs clap


Because they are dead
Userlevel 1
Some years ago I used to be really overweight and this is because I had trouble with my feet - I couldn't keep them out of Chip Shops !
Userlevel 1
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says” uno, dos” *POOF*...
he dissapeared without a tres
Userlevel 1
What cheese so you use to get a bear down from a tree?

Camembert (come-on-bear)
Userlevel 1
Two cannibals were eating a clown, one says to the other 'does this taste funny to you?'
Userlevel 1
1st Man: How dare you fart in front of my wife
2nd Man: I didn't know it was her turn.
Userlevel 1
What do you call a donkey with no eyes, no ears, no legs or anything?

A hairy potato
Userlevel 1
2 parrots sitting on a perch. One says to the other "something smells fishy to me"
Userlevel 1
How did the Mathematician solve his constipation?

With a pencil.
Userlevel 1
Man goes into a shop and asks if there are any helicopter crisps, shop keeper says no, only PLANE!!😂
Userlevel 1
Here’s a joke:
Boris Johnson
Userlevel 1
I'm into fitness.
Fitness pizza in my mouth! 😛🤤
Userlevel 2
Did you hear the one about the dyslexic, amnesiac agnostic?
He lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.....
Userlevel 1
What do you call a hungry train ?
A chew chew train.

Why was the tractor magic?
Because he turned into a field
Userlevel 2
A man walks into a bar and asks the barmaid for a double entrendre.

So she gives him one.....
Userlevel 1
Why did the baker have a brown hand ? He needed a poo poo
Userlevel 2
A limbo dancer walks into a bar..
Userlevel 1
Irene is so ugly that when she went to the ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals!”

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