National Joke Day Competition - Closed

National Joke Day Competition - Closed

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Q: How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 6

1 to change the bulb 5 to sing about how good the old bulb was. 👍
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What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
“Breathe, man! Breathe!”
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Whats blue and not heavy?

Light Blue
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Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn't peeling very well
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What did the pepperoni say to the chef?
D'ya wanna pizza me?
(My daughter's favourite)
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Allotment holder to policeman: Someone keeps dumping soil on my allotment.

Policeman: .. the plot thickens
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Why did the sand blush?
Because the sea weed
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According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half-horse, half-human doctor.

This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
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I was in the bank today and this nice little old lady asked if I could help her check her balance, so I pushed her over.
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I’m deathly afraid of elevators.

I take many steps to avoid them.
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What do you call 2 rows of cabbages?
A duel cabbage way
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Bike is short for Bichael.
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What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot 😂😂😂
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Donald Trump was getting his daily briefing at the end he was told :
"Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" The president exclaims. "That's terrible!".
His staff stunned at this display of emotion nervously watching as the president sits, heads in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a Brazilian?"
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Roberto
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What did Mr. Morse say as he finally finished his code ?
There didit.
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Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was pulled in by a strong current!!!
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The wife comes storming into the kitchen, “Did you not just hear me tumble down the stairs?” She howls.
”Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders.” I replied.
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I don't trust stairs.
They're always up to something.
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Why does the Swedish military have barcodes on the side of their ships?

So they can Scan-de-navy-in
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what did Noah do to his apple? hebruised it
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she’d popped her clogs
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Just been to the Gym, they've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour coz I started to feel sick. Its great though it does everything Kitkats, Snickers, Mars Bars, Crisps, the effing lot!!!!!
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Yesterday I was outside trying to catch fog.

mist
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A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and says, "A beer for me, and one for the giraffe, please." So they proceed to drink. Then: "...a shot for me and one for the giraffe, too" And they keep drinking all evening. Finally the giraffe passes out on the floor of the bar. The guy pays the tab and gets up to leave. The bartender shouts out, "Hey! You're not going to leave that lying on the floor, are you?" The guy replies "That's not a lion... it's a giraffe."

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