Are you having a laugh?
Well, you should be. Because Friday 16 August 2019 is National Joke Day, the perfect time of year to tell your favourite joke. Post it below, and you could win one of two £50 prizes!
Even if it’s an old gag, it can still be a good one. But how old, exactly? Well, the world’s oldest recorded joke can be traced back as far as 1900BC. It was a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now Southern Iraq, and believe it or not… it was a fart joke.
Here it is, but be warned, it hasn’t aged very well:
Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.
You probably had to be there, right?
So come on, surely you can do better! Post your best joke, and we’ll give 2 lucky winners a £50 Curry’s voucher. It will be selected randomly.
Over to you. Make your joke absolutely hilarious, but keep it clean and free of anything that could cause offense. Are fart jokes allowed, we hear you say? We’re not sure. You can risk it - or blow if off and choose another subject. It’s up to you.
Competition deadline is midday on 23rd August. The winner will be announced on this page, and we’ll also send them a private message with details of how and when they’ll get their £50 Curry’s voucher. T&Cs apply, and they’re not even the slightest bit amusing.
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Q: How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 6
1 to change the bulb 5 to sing about how good the old bulb was. 👍
A: 6
1 to change the bulb 5 to sing about how good the old bulb was. 👍
Userlevel 1
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn't peeling very well
It wasn't peeling very well
Userlevel 1
What did the pepperoni say to the chef?
D'ya wanna pizza me?
(My daughter's favourite)
D'ya wanna pizza me?
(My daughter's favourite)
Allotment holder to policeman: Someone keeps dumping soil on my allotment.
Policeman: .. the plot thickens
Policeman: .. the plot thickens
Userlevel 1
Why did the sand blush?
Because the sea weed
Because the sea weed
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half-horse, half-human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
I was in the bank today and this nice little old lady asked if I could help her check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Userlevel 1
Donald Trump was getting his daily briefing at the end he was told :
"Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" The president exclaims. "That's terrible!".
His staff stunned at this display of emotion nervously watching as the president sits, heads in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a Brazilian?"
"Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" The president exclaims. "That's terrible!".
His staff stunned at this display of emotion nervously watching as the president sits, heads in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a Brazilian?"
Userlevel 1
What did Mr. Morse say as he finally finished his code ?
There didit.
There didit.
Userlevel 1
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was pulled in by a strong current!!!
He was pulled in by a strong current!!!
Userlevel 1
The wife comes storming into the kitchen, “Did you not just hear me tumble down the stairs?” She howls.
”Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders.” I replied.
”Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders.” I replied.
Why does the Swedish military have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So they can Scan-de-navy-in
So they can Scan-de-navy-in
Userlevel 1
what did Noah do to his apple? hebruised it
I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she’d popped her clogs
Just been to the Gym, they've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour coz I started to feel sick. Its great though it does everything Kitkats, Snickers, Mars Bars, Crisps, the effing lot!!!!!
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and says, "A beer for me, and one for the giraffe, please." So they proceed to drink. Then: "...a shot for me and one for the giraffe, too" And they keep drinking all evening. Finally the giraffe passes out on the floor of the bar. The guy pays the tab and gets up to leave. The bartender shouts out, "Hey! You're not going to leave that lying on the floor, are you?" The guy replies "That's not a lion... it's a giraffe."
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