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Are you having a laugh?

Well, you should be. Because Friday 16 August 2019 is National Joke Day, the perfect time of year to tell your favourite joke. Post it below, and you could win one of two £50 prizes!

Even if it’s an old gag, it can still be a good one. But how old, exactly? Well, the world’s oldest recorded joke can be traced back as far as 1900BC. It was a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now Southern Iraq, and believe it or not… it was a fart joke.



Here it is, but be warned, it hasn’t aged very well:

Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.



You probably had to be there, right?



So come on, surely you can do better! Post your best joke, and we’ll give 2 lucky winners a £50 Curry’s voucher. It will be selected randomly.



Over to you. Make your joke absolutely hilarious, but keep it clean and free of anything that could cause offense. Are fart jokes allowed, we hear you say? We’re not sure. You can risk it - or blow if off and choose another subject. It’s up to you.



Competition deadline is midday on 23rd August. The winner will be announced on this page, and we’ll also send them a private message with details of how and when they’ll get their £50 Curry’s voucher. T&Cs apply, and they’re not even the slightest bit amusing.

Why did the chicken cross the road?



to get to the idiots house.



Knock Knock



Who's there?



The chicken
What is the definition of an agnostic dyslexic insomniac?

Someone who lies awake all night wondering if there's a dog.......😁
A lot of people assume pirates prefer to be in the navy.



But actually they prefer the arrrrrrrrmy......ba dum tish.
How do you cook black and white animals? In a ‘pan duh!’
I once had a pet racing snail, he was a bit shy, he soon came out of his shell, but now he's a bit Sluggish!!
In a supermarket and bumped in to a old friend, i said what you doing ? He said im looking for my wife . I said so am i . I said what does she look like ?

He said blond hair big boobs, big butt and long legs . He said what about yours ? I said forget her lets find yours!!!
What do you call a three legged donkey?



Wonkey!
What do fish like to play when they get bored ?

'Salom sez '
Why did the picture go to jail?

.....because it was framed
Two monkeys drawing a bath, one jumps in and says "ooh ah ah ah ah" the other says "put some cold in then!" 😁
Got in to my classic car and reversed it out of the drive. It really tock me back
What did the ocean say to the shore?

nothing it just waved
what did the snowman say to the other snowman? can you smell carrots !!!
Why do bananas need sunscreen?

Because they peel
A lady came into a bank and asked me to check her balanced, so I pushed her over.
My bus told me to have a good day. So I went home.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea?



Denis.
What’s brown and sticky?

a stick
What do you call a chicken looking at a lettuce?





Chicken caesar salad!
I went to the doctor because I had a cough.



She said "You've got the flu, bronchitis, and onomatopoeia."



"What's onomatopoeia?" I asked.



"It's exactly what it sounds like", she replied.
What do you do if you see a space man?





Park in it, man
Parallel lines have so much in common, shame they will never meet!!!
What happens when frogs park illegally?

they get toad

What does your dog and your mobile phone have in common?



They both have Collar ID...
Lad comes running in the room says " dad there's a man at the door with a bald head"....dad says "tell hom to go away son... I've already got one !"
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