Are you having a laugh?
Well, you should be. Because Friday 16 August 2019 is National Joke Day, the perfect time of year to tell your favourite joke. Post it below, and you could win one of two £50 prizes!
Even if it’s an old gag, it can still be a good one. But how old, exactly? Well, the world’s oldest recorded joke can be traced back as far as 1900BC. It was a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now Southern Iraq, and believe it or not… it was a fart joke.
Here it is, but be warned, it hasn’t aged very well:
Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.
You probably had to be there, right?
So come on, surely you can do better! Post your best joke, and we’ll give 2 lucky winners a £50 Curry’s voucher. It will be selected randomly.
Over to you. Make your joke absolutely hilarious, but keep it clean and free of anything that could cause offense. Are fart jokes allowed, we hear you say? We’re not sure. You can risk it - or blow if off and choose another subject. It’s up to you.
Competition deadline is midday on 23rd August. The winner will be announced on this page, and we’ll also send them a private message with details of how and when they’ll get their £50 Curry’s voucher. T&Cs apply, and they’re not even the slightest bit amusing.
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Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long ??
Because then it would be a foot
Because then it would be a foot
What network is Luke Skywalker on? Yodafone.
Whats Rupert Bears middle name ? —————————————-The.
How do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree?
Paint it's toe nails red.
Paint it's toe nails red.
How do you get Pikachu on the bus?
You Pokemon
You Pokemon
What do you call pig that does karate?
Pork chop
Pork chop
I took my children to the local zoo. There was only one dog there. It was a shih tzu.
What sort of cheese do you use to hide a horse?
Marscapone
Marscapone
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later." The nun agreed... A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?" The nun replied, "He went that way."
After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria." The nun said, "I understand completely." The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don't want to go to Syria either."
After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria." The nun said, "I understand completely." The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don't want to go to Syria either."
I put all of my money into a new 'Crab In Your Pocket' business but it's not going half as well as I thought it would - I'm starting to feel the pinch.
Q: why did the jelly baby go to school?
A: because he wanted to be a smartie 🤭
A: because he wanted to be a smartie 🤭
I used to run a dating agency for chickens. Had to stop though as I struggled to make hens meet
How does a farmer count his cows?
With a cow-culator!
With a cow-culator!
I've just started a new business making locks for mouse doors. Very low key.
What is an ig?
An igloo without a loo.
An igloo without a loo.
Heard about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He lay awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.
How do you think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg!
With an itheberg!
In this weather I feel sorry for people who work in Gregg's.
They must be baking....
They must be baking....
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put him into the microwave until his Bill Withers!
Put him into the microwave until his Bill Withers!
Whenever I compete on a horse, I have a terrible fear of falling off as I jump the fences. I have other fears but that's my overriding concern.
Q) What time do people normally go to the dentist..?
A) About tooth hurty..
A) About tooth hurty..
What's green and hard?
A frog with a tattoo.
A frog with a tattoo.
I dreamt last night that I wrote Lord Of The Rings. I'd never have known but the wife said that I was Tolkien in my sleep.
I took the kids to the zoo the other day.
It wasn't a great zoo, they only had a single exhibit - it was a small dog, it was a Shih Tzu.
It wasn't a great zoo, they only had a single exhibit - it was a small dog, it was a Shih Tzu.
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been
discovered in Egypt ................. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh
Roche...
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