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National Joke Day Competition.

National Joke Day Competition.
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MrE
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  • August 16, 2019
A man walks into a bar....

...
....
...

OUCH!!!


it was a metal bar

JohnHB
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  • August 16, 2019
After queuing up at the Tesco checkout this morning, Mr Patel said to the cashier, "Can you do this any cheaper, I'm afraid not," she replied, "If we did it for you then we'd have to do it for everybody. Mr Patel said, "Yeah, but it's got today's date on it. If nobody buys it then it's just going to get thrown away. Look sir, you're holding up the queue. Do you want the newspaper or not?!" –

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  • August 16, 2019
Why did the Skeleton not go to the party?

Because he had nobody to go with.

JohnHB
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  • August 16, 2019
"IT’S A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT’S A BOY" and with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel!!!

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  • August 16, 2019
What do you call a deer with no eyes. No Idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs. Still no idea!!

JohnHB
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  • August 16, 2019
7 wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40 –

Fish
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  • August 16, 2019
What is red and invisible?

No tomatoes!

Why can't dinosaurs clap


Because they are dead

Hippopotamus
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  • August 16, 2019
Some years ago I used to be really overweight and this is because I had trouble with my feet - I couldn't keep them out of Chip Shops !

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  • August 16, 2019
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says” uno, dos” *POOF*...
he dissapeared without a tres

Rswilson1
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  • August 16, 2019
What cheese so you use to get a bear down from a tree?

Camembert (come-on-bear)

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  • August 16, 2019
Two cannibals were eating a clown, one says to the other 'does this taste funny to you?'

FionaB
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  • August 16, 2019
1st Man: How dare you fart in front of my wife
2nd Man: I didn't know it was her turn.

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  • August 16, 2019
What do you call a donkey with no eyes, no ears, no legs or anything?

A hairy potato

FionaB
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  • August 16, 2019
2 parrots sitting on a perch. One says to the other "something smells fishy to me"

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  • August 16, 2019
How did the Mathematician solve his constipation?

With a pencil.

BigAl1955
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  • August 16, 2019
Man goes into a shop and asks if there are any helicopter crisps, shop keeper says no, only PLANE!!😂

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  • August 16, 2019
Here’s a joke:
Boris Johnson

Marty_P_74
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  • August 16, 2019
I'm into fitness.
Fitness pizza in my mouth! 😛🤤

sarkymark1
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  • August 16, 2019
Did you hear the one about the dyslexic, amnesiac agnostic?
He lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.....

lauramann1984
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  • August 16, 2019
What do you call a hungry train ?
A chew chew train.

Why was the tractor magic?
Because he turned into a field

sarkymark1
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  • August 16, 2019
A man walks into a bar and asks the barmaid for a double entrendre.

So she gives him one.....

Olivia 201110
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  • August 16, 2019
Why did the baker have a brown hand ? He needed a poo poo

sarkymark1
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  • August 16, 2019
A limbo dancer walks into a bar..

Irene is so ugly that when she went to the ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals!”